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do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon writing a letter
to you didn't make me feel any more peaceful than how I felt when we weren't speaking because I
didn't cop to what I did. I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries. i'd
like you to be schooled and in awe as though you were kissed by god full on the lips . i'm in the front
row the front row with popcorn I get to see you see you close up i'm too tired to recount the
unpleasantries one by one one minute I want to banish you the next I want to be on
a deserted island with you along with my three favorite cd's ambivalent yet in your
bed we've yet to acknowledge what really happened ...

Is he the one
that I will marry?
then why's it so hard
to be objective about
myself, why do I feel
cellulary alone?
am I supposed to live
in this crazy city?

Why do I fear
that the quieter I am
the less you will listen
why do I care whether you
like me or not?
Why's it so hard
for me to be angry
why is it such work to stay
conscious and so easy
to get stuck
and not the other way around?

Will I ever move
back to Canada again
I'd be with a lover
with whom I'm a student
and oh master why am I
encouraged to shut my
mouth when it gets too close
to home why cannot I
live in the moment?...


I don't want to be the filler is the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of the single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be a bandage is the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be you babysitter
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine month
Show me the back door...



if I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
i would throw a party still it would not come
i would bike run swim and still it would not come
i'd go travelling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come
if I'm masculine I will be taken more seriously
if I take a break it would make me irrisponsible
if i'm elusive I will surely be sought after often
if I need assistance then I must be incapable
I would seduce them and still it would not come
I would drink vodka and still it would not come

...

and talked like women to women would
womyn to womyn would "where did you get that from?
must've been your father your dad"
I got it from you I got it from you
do you see yourself in my gipsy garage sale ways?
in my fits of laughter?
in my tinkerbell tendencies?
in my lack of colour coordination? ...

I wouldn't have cowered out of fear of getting my eyes scratched out....



Testosterone in large amounts, your little sister got kicked out of God you can't shave your head come to the show, the boys, they rock harder ...

you from new york you are so relevant you reduce me to cosmic tears luminous more so than most anyone unapologetically alive knot in my stomach and lump in my throat I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance so pure such an expression supposed former infatuation junkie I sink three pointers and you wax poetically I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance so pure such an expression ...

And you're like a 90's Jesus, and you revel in your psychosis. how dare you?
Your sample concepts are like hors d'oeurves
and you eat their questions for dessert
and is it just me or is it hot in here?
You may never be or have a husband
you may never be or have a child
you will learn to lose everything
we are temporary arrangements...

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what comes around never comes around to you
You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
You sit...and you wait...to receive
There's an obvious attraction
to the path that of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount to my insistence
could make you try tonight...

My sprinklers go off at 6pm each day and sometimes they spray unsuspecting visitors. My pimples are goosebumps all over my legs, my brow is furrowed and my vision is blurred, and how I do love London...



transparent dangling carrots

I had no choice but to hear you, you stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess, I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet ...

What's the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day
as you place the don't disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore
It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance street car
Went off the track
And you're on it...

Thank god it was the god damned wall
I would have to hide all my valuables (we were the feminine forces)
Who would calm my mother down?
Who would calm me down once I talked her through it?
My mother and I would pray for peace
It was a full time job I would send my mother directly to bed
Do not collect 200...

For you, they live in a quiet monastery
for you, they wear whatever you want them to as long as it's short they count to ten when you tell them how to drive and when they're afraid they have you speak for them ...

i've seen them kneel
with baited breath for the ritual
i've watched this experience raise
them to pseudo higher levels
i've watched them leave their families
in pursuit of your nirvana
i've seen them coming to line up
from switzerland to america
how long will this take baba
how long have you been sleeping
do you see me hanging on to
every word you say...

Sometimes is never quite enough, if you are flawless, then you'll win my love. Don't forget to win first place, don't forget to keep that smile on your face. Be a good boy, try a little harder. You've got to measure up, and make me prouder...




I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm over whelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette...



I'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed would I be putting it right with my silence or my rage would I be letting you in; invite a reaction, yeah?. and how would I explain how would I explain this to my children if I had them...




Do I stress you out? My sweater is on backwards and inside out and you say how appropriate I don't want to dissect everything today I don't mean to pick you apart to see but I can't help it There I go jumping before the gun shot has gone off slap me with the splintered ruler, and it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already if only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience a way to calm the hungry voice and all I really want is deliverance Do I wear you out? You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out I'm consumed by the chill of solitary I'm like Estella I like to reel it and spit it out I'm frustrated by your apathy And all I need now is intellectual intercourse A soul to dig a hole much deeper And I have no concept of time other than it is flying If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace man A place to find a common ground And all I really want is a wavelength All I really want is some comfort A way to get my hands untied And all I really want is some justice......





(through you I see . . . I)
between a broken nose and a fake smile
between piety and gunpowder
between fighting and fleeing the scene
between murder and diplomacy

between regression and oblivion
between brutal and realistically well behaved
between the screaming and pulling in the reins
between tiptoeing and ambling
what am I to do with all this fire?
(I'd like to hit you, but I'd never hit you)
would you stay with me in this red space?...


Like anyone would be, I am flattered by your fascination with me.
Like any hot-blooded woman, I have simply wanted an object to crave.
But you, you're not allowed; you're uninvited: an unfortunate slight....



I'm surprised I do not hate your guts, after a year like this one,
I'm surprised I still love music just as much
after a year like this one, I'm surprised I am convinced at all,
after a year like this one, I do not roll my eyes at semicolon
Fa la la la di da la la
Fa la la la di da la
Oooh..
After a year like this one, I'm suprised we're all not leaving drunks
After a year like this one, I want you to choose the rest along for me ?...






you reduce me to cosmic tears


what if there were no consequences? what if there were no more arguments? Well that'd be a shame, and that'd be impossible, and you would be bored, 'cause you wouldn't want it any other way. Hold off 'till the weekend, 'cause the weekend I'll get by, hold off 'till the weekend, 'cause we may look scared but we're very nice guys, hold off 'till the weekend, 'cause the weekend I'll get by, hold off 'till the weekend, 'cause we may look strange, but we sure ain't young. What if there were no more mama's boys? what if we all had no thinking together?
Well, that'd be a shame, and that'd be impossible, 'cause you would be bored, 'cause you wouldn't want it any other way....

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (What a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (Swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
I recommend bitting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly sticking you foot in your mouth at any time Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see the smoke clears...

the moment I let go of it was
the moment I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it was
the moment I touched down
how about no longer being masochistic
how about remembering your divinity
how about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how about not equating death with stopping
thank you India
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence...

I sang Alleluia in the choir
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man
My brothers they never went blind for what they did
But I may as well have
In the name of the father, the Skeptic and the Son
I had one more stupid question
What I learned I rejected but I believe again
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven...

i'm wise and ambitious, and angry and free, and smart and available, and sexy... i'm soft and appealing, and wearing pijamas, and twisted and willing, and crazy...
and this is the story of the death of Cinderella
she'd grow to be a maid if she couldn't find a fella
who can use her?
and it's all you could do not to throw her on the floor...




would I be whining if I said I needed a hug? would you feel slighted if I said your love is not enough? how can I complain? how can I complain when i'm the one who reaches for it? because I can't not because I can't not because I cannot walk without my crutches because I can't not because I can't not because I can't help wonder why you ask me ..

i'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you I think you're insensitive and I don't feel heard and I said do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental? fundamentally evil? and you said yes I said I don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad you said "well what about that man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency room bleeding after beating his kid and she threw a shoe at his head. I think what he did was wrong and I would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him" I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.....

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing...





I was afraid of verbal daggers I was afraid of the
calm before the storm I was afraid for my own
bones I was afraid of your seduction I was afraid
of your coersion I was afraid of your rejection
I was afraid of your intimidation I was afraid of
your punishment I was afraid of your icy silences
I was afraid of your volume I was afraid of your
manipulation I was afraid of your explosions
I have as much rage as you have
I have as much pain as you do
I've lived as much hell as you have
and i've kept mine bubbling under for you...

I want you to know that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother
'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know...aka cross eyed bear/mr. do please thee

ok, this is already a mess! any ideas?

can't not tour

Swallow it down (What a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (Swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles